Meeting myself on the mat…

~ Rodney Yee ~

The quote today is from one of my first yoga instructors. I did Rodney Yee’s video course (this was long, long before DVDs) religiously for a few years, before I had the courage to move on to working with local teachers. It came to me today via an email from my Wireless World instructor, Marianne Elliott who has an amazing 30 Day Yoga program, and sends inspiring emails just when I need them. All of this while noodling a guest column for my live-and-in-person yoga therapist, Mary Lauttamus. And on the very day when I felt compelled to finally write my “Dear Body” letter in response to my friend Kristin’s project over at Trust Tending.
So here we are… clearly, it’s time.

Dear Body of mine,

What comes up when I even think about writing to you is that I am so, so sorry. And so amazed that you are still here. In pretty equal proportions.
I am sorry that I didn’t pay much attention to you for many years. I’m sorry that I was so stuck in a pattern of dissociation that I didn’t even know you were there for a very long time. I am sorry about all the violence you experienced, and that I gave up trying to protect you – eventually. I’m sorry about taking you to doctor after doctor and letting them experiment on you – rather than see that you were trying to tell me that you needed attention. And why wouldn’t you?
I’m trying, now, to make up for lost time. I hope it’s not too late. I am amazed, and so very grateful, that you have come through so much so well. I know now that what you need is for me to love you, to accept that this is where we are right now, to rest as needed and to care for you in the way you have always deserved. I see you for the gift you are.
There is a place where we have always met, where I learned to inhabit you fully, where we find peace. Yoga has been our best conduit and connector for so long, and now I see that it is a way to honor you and my inner self, together. As I move, and you soften and respond, it just feels good. And right. And true.
I’ll meet you on the mat, every day, and we’ll see where that takes us.
Namaste.

Well, that wasn’t easy, but it’s a start. I had no idea, until recently, just how much I live in my brain, rather than my body – so to speak. How about you? It’s an interesting question, no?

* photograph by M. Lauttamus