putting things in order…

 

 

 

 

“At the center of your being

you have the answer; 
you know who you are 
and you know what you want.”

~ Lao Tzu ~

 

About thirteen years ago, I changed my first  name.  Yes, I did.  The middle one, too. Legally.  In court, in front of a judge, the whole thing. It’s a long story, and was a small part of my journey of healing some pretty big wounds.  And I sent out announcements – on really thick, soft white paper, with a simple straightforward font, in blue black ink.  This is what they said:

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.

~ Chinese proverb ~

 

It was the beginning of putting my “stuff” in order.  Of figuring out what stories I no longer wanted to haul around with me.  Of seeing what was true to me, and what was just a behavior based on someone e’se’s fear, or pain.  Or both.  Of finding my big girl shoes, putting them on and walking forward on my own path.

 

It feels like I am doing it all over again. It’s much happier this time, much lighter – and just as monumental.  I have been away from this space – this place that I love, that I miss quite a bit these days.  These days that have been so full, so expansive.  Dare I say bordering on glorious?

I think I do.

 

I am now a certified Martha Beck life coach.  I actually finished something – a big thing.  Something that lets the world see who I really am, and who, of course, I have always been.  Some of my lifelong dreams are coming true – more about that as things unfurl.  I am getting ready for a huge shift – my only child leaving the nest.  And so incredibly happy and proud to see the person she is, despite the fact that I am not allowed to write about her here.  There’s more, too.  Writing is taking a back seat, temporarily I suspect, to other forms of creativity, to dreaming and scheming and to taking time to rest and regenerate.

 

Stay tuned.  Anything could happen now – it’s all falling into place.

 

 

The whole universe…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The whole universe is change

and life itself

is but what you deem it.

~ Marcus Aurelius ~

have nothing…

 

 

Have nothing in your house that you do not  know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.”

~ William Morris ~

I am a little discombobulated lately.  There is a lot of change in my life, and in the circles around me.  It’s happening in many arenas, but this week, it seems to have to do with health, or lack thereof.  People are literally dropping dead, being diagnosed with all sorts of dis-eases – or not being diagnosed despite something clearly being amiss. I’ve walked that road and come out better for it, but it’s scary to witness and it feels like there is not a thing I can do to help. I know I am not alone in this regard, that there is a lot of anxiety and fear floating around right now, and it can lead to overwhelm, really quickly.  I know.  It’s hard.  We want so badly to do something, when perhaps, all we can do is be there.  And yet, all we want to do it is fix it.  Now.

I can’t speak for everyone, though.  I can only speak for myself. And as best I can tell, I can’t fix it for everyone.  I’ve given up on trying to make life work for every person on the planet. I have failed miserably in my self charged task of saving the world.  So I have handed in my Superwoman costume and badge and sent in my resignation letter.  Doing things in a big way didn’t seem to suit me, so I’m focusing on smaller things.  Like on the being there and being the best I can be. Like doing less, being still and cutting down on both internal and external clutter.  I figure if I can maintain my own equilibrium and find inner peace, more often than not, then that is one step towards peace and harmony in the world.  Makes sense, right?

However.  I am human, and I need to do something, too. So here’s my plan.  I’ve always loved today’s quote – and I always attributed it to Thoreau, too, but given that I own an Arts and Crafts home, all the better that I follow William Morris’ advice anyway.  I am going to put his words into action.  Each day, I will go through one drawer or shelf in my house and eliminate anything that is not beautiful or useful to me or my family.  Anything.  We have a lot of drawers and shelves, but I’m thinking that I’ll be finished by spring, for sure.  And I’m limiting my perfectionist, quick-to-go-into-overdrive self to just one a day.  That’s it.  One and I’m done – that’s my newest motto.

While I am doing this clearing of literal space, I imagine that I’ll be doing some sorting of the matter in my head and my heart, too.  Which of those tapes that play over and over in my mind get to stay?  Which are useful, and which need to be tossed in the imaginary trash bin?  And which are beautiful?  Those are likely to be directed here, to share with you. Slowing down does not come naturally to me, so this will be… um, interesting.  But there’s been a calling inside me to slooowww  it down for a while now, and I’m actually home for the next several weeks, so I’m heeding that voice.  I’m listening.

Stay tuned, folks, and we’ll all see how it turns out, together.   I’m curious, because I know that, too often, fear gets a bad rap.  True, it can hold us back – it can even be paralyzing.  I’m wondering, though, what will happen if I use my fear as fuel?  If I let it set fire to change, to clearing out and opening up.  Can fear be used to move us forward?  I’m hoping to find out.

 

It’s Tuesday, so this is part of Heather’s Just Write project – a wonderful community of writers.  Find out more here – join us, if you’d like!

 

 

Even if something is left undone…

“Even if something is left undone, everyone must take time to sit still and watch the leaves turn.”
- Elizabeth Lawrence

on getting comfortable…

 

 

I am sitting on an airplane as I type this, in a aisle seat located in the center section of a wide body jet.  It’s a bulkhead seat, which means that my legs can stretch a little, but also that my bag and clogs take up a lot of that extra space while we are in flight.  I am no petite girl, and the guys in the seats next to me are bordering on huge.  We all have shoulders of the linebacker variety, and we’ve become much closer than we might have intended over the last several hours, as we do the little dance of whose elbows go where.  Or maybe the male members of our species don’t really spend much time  or thought on that.  I’m not sure.  Given that I have the aisle seat, I have spent  the entire flight listing to the left, which my back is not  really liking much.  My scoliosis-prone spine seems to be taking on new curves, quite literally.  And, just for added enjoyment, the flight attendants seemingly enjoy slamming the  first class closet door into my knee.  I am not comfortable.  And I don’t see that changing for a couple more hours.

 

So as I edited my photos from the trip in this interestingly contorted position, I started thinking about how hard we try to find comfortable positions -physically , emotionally, psychologically.  Probably sociologically, too.   We seem, at least in most of the places I have spent time, to expect that.  We assume we have an innate right to be pain free, supported, entitled to cushy surroundings and, of course, to be happy all the time.  I wonder if that’s really true, and what would happen if we let go of that expectation, just a little bit.  Are we, as a species, actually capable of intentionally allowing ourselves to suffer, or at least to vary from our well ingrained patterns, without labeling it as “bad” or “wrong” or “unfair”?  Are we?

 

This wildly exotic swiss chard plant caught my eye when I was walking through the gardens at Green Gulch the other day.  It doesn’t look particularly comfortable, does it?  It’s growth pattern is certainly not what most swiss chard seedlings follow, and it was set aside and planted along with sunflowers and other ornamental plants – as if someone noticed it’s beauty in the adjacent field and felt it deserved to be honored. Another gardener, less artistically inclined, might have pulled it and tossed it into the compost heap, of course, because it didn’t fit in with the others in the neat row.  I’m grateful for the eyes that saw it’s intrinsic beauty and sculptural qualities and highlighted it.

 

What would it be like if we did that?  If instead of labeling our more avant garde, out-there, freewheeling thoughts as wrong, if we saw them as creative, wonderful, change-making?  Or if, rather than covering the parts of our faces and bodies that don’t look like the shiny advertisements, we embraced them as the wonderful markers of individuality they really are?  And if we, as a society, welcomed those who speak or think or act differently?  What gifts would they bring to the world, if they sensed that a place to receive their genius and inspired gifts existed?

 

It would be a huge shift, certainly.  And it would require a lot of us to make a real effort.  Think of the possibilities, though, if we didn’t have to spend time and energy contorting our bodies and minds into “socially acceptable” norms every moment of every day.  What would that be like?

 

I’d sure like to find out.  I really would.

 

 

 

 

It’s Tuesday, so this is part of Heather’s Just Write project – a wonderful community of writers.  Find out more here - join us, if you’d like!

Turning all into good…

Our struggles can be fuel for our dreams,

if we allow the sparks to catch.

~ clg ~

Girl Effect…

Every child begins the world again.

~ Henry David Thoreau ~

Imagine.

Imagine being eleven years old and having to ask your husband for permission to go to school, only to be refused. You will be a mother before you are much older and mothers don’t go to school.

Imagine.

Imagine being thirteen years old. You dream of being a doctor, but but you can’t go to school either. Turns out you are engage to be married. In exchange for you, your family will receive cattle.

Imagine.

Imagine being fourteen and so determined to go to school that you go on a hunger strike to avoid your arranged wedding. Later, you find a way to earn money for college. Now your family depends on you.

And those are the pretty stories.

I’ve been aware for a long time that, in many parts of the globe, being a girl puts you at risk for early pregnancy and/or marriage, for the health risks implicit in that, for all sorts of sexual mistreatment. What I didn’t understand until I heard about the Girl Effect, through last years’ blogging campaign, was how little of life itself is made available to girls all over the world. Even given my rough start, there was never any doubt that I would go to school, so maybe that’s the button that really gets pushed in me. And in a lot of places, school itself is not a safe place for girls, either, but even if they are brave enough to go, and their parents are willing to cross cultural norms to do that, there often isn’t a way to get there.

As I was touring a college with my daughter recently, I was thinking about this post and how I might possibly be able to help shine a light on the Girl Effect campaign. At first, thinking about watching the videos made me feel even more helpless, and I was concerned that they might have the same effect on you. More on that later. As I chatted with another parent on that gorgeous fall day about how grateful we were that our children have the opportunity to study at such a fine school, he told me about a program he was aware of that gave girls in underdeveloped countries an incredible gift. Bicycles. A simple bike could change a girl’s life by allowing her to both help her family and get to school. Brilliant.

And I knew, in that moment, what I would share as part of this blogging campaign. It turns out that World Bicycle Relief does something really straightforward, something we can all relate to. Do you remember the freedom you felt (or still feel) when you rode your bike? Now imagine that your overall freedom came with those two wheels. It is life changing – you can see it for yourself here – and somehow, they do it for $134 US. As they say, “ In the hands of a girl, this gift knows no limits.” But I’m not here to ask for money (feel free, if you are so inclined, of course). What I want is to raise awareness of how we can change the world by changing the lives of children, by lifting them up, by giving them the opportunity to thrive. I believe in the words Thoreau wrote so long ago.

I wrote yesterday about my own struggles to overcome childhood challenges. Nothing makes me more inspired than watching others help children, and obviously, there is a special place in my heart for girls. So if all of this speaks to you and you’d like to learn more, there are many resources on the Girl Effect site, both on the campaign and some of the stories of the courageous girls who I highlighted above. There is a nice fact list here for you to ponder as you go about your day. And there’s lots available to watch and learn about World Bicycle Relief here and here and here!

So how can you help? I believe awareness, in and of itself, effects change. You can donate, if you are able, to either WBR or any of the Girl Effect partners, all of which have been carefully vetted. And you can let a girl know that you care, closer to home or on the other side of the world, in any way that makes sense to you. Let’s just make an effort to let girls know we see them, and all they can be in the world.

The Girl Effect Blogging Campaign is a collaborative effort of hundreds of bloggers coming together to write about The Girl Effect today and for the next week. I am happy to take part in creating an awareness of the Girl Effect and the positive changes it can make in the world. If you’d like to join me, go here to learn more!