looking for light…

There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

~ Edith Wharton ~

In the right light, at the right time,
everything is extraordinary.
~ Aaron Rose ~

A sensible man will remember that the eyes may be confused in two ways -
by a change from light to darkness or from darkness to light;
and he will recognize that the same thing happens to the soul.
~ Plato ~

From within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things,
and makes us aware that we are nothing,
but the light is all.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
~ Maori proverb ~

To love beauty is to see light.

~ Victor Hugo ~

I went for a walk today, just for a little while, looking for light. This is what I found.
It’s everywhere.

What are you thinking about?

A man is what he thinks about all day long.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

We are, aren’t we, often just that? What we think about, the stories we tell ourselves – these things so often make up our lives.

More and more, it seems to me that our thoughts really do manifest in our days. Who knows if that is completely true. I certainly haven’t seen any studies done on the subject, but I don’t see any harm in playing with it.

Why not let yourself dream? Why not, tonight, rather than lie awake worrying about all the tasks that were left undone, fall asleep picturing the way you would like your life to be? Maybe it is seeing yourself in your own home, puttering around in your yard. It might be traveling through Europe – that backpacking trip you’ve always meant to take. Perhaps it is as simple as spending time in your kitchen preparing an elaborate meal for lovely friends you would like to have in your life. It could be ruling the world! That part is up to you.

Make the time, find the dream, let it play out. Let’s find out if dreams come true…

All that is good and fair…

Finish every day and be done with it.

You have done what you could.

Some blunders and absurdities

no doubt crept in;

forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day;

begin it well and serenely

and with too high a spirit

to be cumbered with

your old nonsense.

This day is all that is

good and fair.

It is too dear,

with its hopes and invitations

to waste a moment on yesterdays.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

The energizing spirit…

Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

There seems to be so much changing and shifting in the world and in my life –
and much of the time, I feel like it’s all I can do just to ride the wave.
There is just a whole lot going on and while it’s all for the good, I get caught up in it.

Today I spent a couple very happy hours, reconnecting with my dear friend, Pamela. We
caught up on things as much as we could, but mostly we played trucks and Legos and
had amazing conversations with her oh-so-delightful boys.

It was a wonderful reminder of what is really important. These boys, they know how
to be right here, right now. They say what they mean, and they mean what they say.
They wonder and they dream and they tell their stories. They laugh. A lot.

The best role models for living. The best. Thanks, guys. You made my day.

Sunday Stroll…

Even the wildest dreams have to start somewhere. Allow yourself the time and space to let your mind wander and your imagination fly.

~ Oprah Winfrey ~

This week’s stroll will be different in a couple ways. Rather than walk, we are going to fly. Sort of. These photos are from a recent trip from Washington, DC to London, England and I hope you will find some time and space to really drink them in. The skies above us both change and stay the same and it fascinates me to watch them, always. As I am held captive in the plane anyway, it seems like the perfect time to allow myself to dream, you know? Hopefully, through the magic of the iPhone, you will be able to see a bit of what I saw.

The other first is this – I am quoting Einstein and Oprah in the same post. Hopefully, the sky won’t fall! I’d like to think that they would both be pleased… or, at least, amused.

Here we go…

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious.  And why shouldn’t it be? – it is the same the angels breathe.
~ Mark Twain ~

The sky is that beautiful old parchment in which the sun and the moon keep their diary. ~ Alfred Kreymborg ~

The clouds, – the only birds that never sleep.
~ Victor Hugo ~

Only from the heart can you touch the sky.
~ Rumi ~

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

The delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures…

~ Albert Einstein ~

A visit with Garrett Eastman…

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.

~ Mark Twain ~

A few months ago, I finally caved in and joined Twitter. It has been, despite all my predictions to the contrary, a wonderful addition to my life. And one of the best gifts I have found through the Twitter community is @notinmy – a true gentleman, a devoted cheerleader and great friend. His name is Garrett Eastman and as he will explain, once we met (and I think Lindsey gets credit for that) we became fast friends rather quickly. I cannot imagine my life without his tweets, emails and constant encouragement. Garrett is a librarian, researcher and writer extraordinaire, as well as a devoted husband and doting father of two. What a guy. His blog can be found here – I hope you will pay him a visit.

Today’s post marks the first day of Carry It Forward’s new site. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than a visit with my dear friend, Garrett. Here we go!

It’s exciting to anticipate Christa’s visit and daunting at the same time. We’ve never met in person but I cannot quantify the gifts I received from reading her blog and seeing her artwork online. I admire Christa tremendously for what she has overcome in life (abuse, rejection, unbearable physical pain) and who she is today, spiritual being, writer, artist, her work for the Anti-Defamation League, how she loves and makes time for her husband and her daughter. In one of our emails, Christa said, “we will have so much to talk about.” What would that be like?

I don’t remember how we connected but her writing moved me right away (the honesty and generosity displayed here, for example) and one time I was compelled to comment on one of her blog posts and share something from my life and we’ve been in touch ever since.

I know from her photographs on Carry It Forward Christa loves flowers and urban life. I would invite her to my house but it will likely be torn down soon. The lilacs have come to the end of their time in the sun, and the irises and day lilies have not yet bloomed. So perhaps we could meet in my adopted city, Waltham, Massachusetts, The Watch City, where many extraordinary, precise mechanical devices were created. This is a city of technology, restaurants and immigrants and not without a few anomalies. We could walk along the Charles River at this end, in some places it is wooded, in others a river in the city and you can see the Waltham Watch Factory, the building that was the center of industry in this town in the 1800s, but its future is not clear today. I have a booklet that offers some insight on the work of the factory in its day, a curio published by one of our local booksellers.

We could walk along Moody Street, center of much commercial activity, restaurants, ethnic markets, lots of traffic, but not much in the way of places to sit. There’s an Indian market (a couple actually,) an Italian store, a Hispanic market, an African market, clothing stores, book stores, craft stores, we could go to the movies even.

And there are cemeteries, the historic Gore Place, Prospect Hill in the lovely Highlands neighborhood where we could enjoy the view and go walking along the trails. Or we could get in the car and drive north to the Anisquam River or Halibut Point State Park, where the craggy cliffs beckon, maybe not in June for the blackflies but some other time, staring out at the endless ocean, as Zukofsky wrote, “It’s hard to see but think of a sea.”

Or driving east into the city we could visit the Arboretum with the endless rhododendrons, any color you like, or the Rose Garden in the Fenway at the appropriate point in the season. Or whatever flowering trees and plants are to be seen just walking around and breathing in and out. I don’t know if we could find peonies like Christa’s photographed, however.

Mostly, though, I would just want to be in Christa’s presence, shared time, shared place. It wouldn’t really matter what we say but I know I will remember a lot more than in many conversations or in many days, because I would bring my presence and not my distraction. Christa would say, “Just be you.”

I am reminded of the words of Emerson:

What is so pleasant as these jets of affection which make a young world for me again? What so delicious as a just and firm encounter of two, in a thought, in a feeling?

Wait, and thy heart shall speak. Wait until the necessary and everlasting overpowers you, until day and night avail themselves of your lips. The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.

So many things I would like to tell Christa and so many I would like to ask and hear her tell me, and yet I know that something beyond us both will make those decisions, perhaps there will be flow in what we see and where we go and what we say, whatever happens it would be an extraordinary day for me.

Conquering some fear…

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

I woke up this morning with a lot on my heart, and even more swirling around in my brain. Or maybe the reverse, I’m not sure. There was the usual concern for others – there is so much going on in the world – and I went through my metta prayer, feeling more compassion than ever. And then, somehow, I started to feel overwhelmed. Not so much by the flooding in Louisiana, or ongoing events in Darfur, Japan, Libya and countless other places, but by all that is going on in my life.

Once I got over feeling that I shouldn’t be concerned about my own problems, given the state of the world and all, I was able to remind myself that the only place I can effect change, really, is right here at home. And I thought about all the hats I wear: mother, wife, friend, coach, cheerleader, philanthropist, student, artist, writer, gardener, housekeeper… and I felt a huge sense of both gratitude and overwhelm at the same time and in pretty equal amounts. And a little shame for feeling concerned about myself, again. Old habits die hard.

Then I got it. I am grateful, I truly am. Opportunities to do great and wonderful things are coming at me, left and right, fast and furious. Be careful what you wish for, right? And mixed in with awe and amazement (are they sure they have the right person?) is fear. Pure fear. When I focused on that fear, it became really clear that I am afraid I can’t do it all.

Whether I can do it all or not isn’t really the question, though. It’s this – there is no way that I (or anyone else for that matter) can do it all perfectly. And that, my friends, is the bar I set for myself. Perfection. Not for anyone else, mind you. No, I discourage that regularly. Just for me. Despite reading everything, and I mean everything, Brene` Brown has written (she would laugh if she knew that right now, I am fighting the urge to google her name and see if I got that accent mark right – I am leaving it as is. See? Progress.) I still, especially when overwhelmed, go right back to my need to do everything perfectly. Somewhere along the way, I decided that the way to control my crazy world (and all our world are crazy, I am convinced), was to do everything just right.

Guess what? I was wrong. Really wrong. If there is any hope for me to embrace my wonderfully crazy, overly full, bigger than I could have dreamed life, I have to give up this idea that I can do it all really, really well. My teacher’s words ring in my ear – “Don’t do it so well” from my Feldenkrais teacher, so many years ago, as I began to wake up. “Forgiven, forgiven”, said over and over again, to herself and to all of us, from the wise and witty Tara Brach. The sound of Pema Chodron laughing at herself, at the way we all run from our selves, over and over.

And so I begin again, try to have as much compassion for myself as I do for others, as silly as that sounds. I come here, be transparent and hope that in bearing my own inner workings, I both learn and teach. And, the biggest challenge for me – I take in the good, the possibilities, the dreams and give myself permission to do it badly. But to do it, you know? To just do it all, or not, but to move forward with hope and grace.

As Zelda Fitzgerald said, “Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much a heart can hold.”

And on a whole different subject, I am very happy to say that the new and improved Carry It Forward site should make it’s debut later this week.

Please note that I cannot automatically change your subscription. I’ll provide a link so that you can find it easily, but you will need to resubscribe to the new site. I hope you will follow me as I move forward!