Dear You…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear You,

 

I see you.  I watch you every day, doing your best and finding your way through this life.  I see you struggle and turn on yourself regularly.  I see you hurt and yearn for the more that you know is out there, somewhere.

To be honest, it’s a little painful to watch.  So here are the words I wish you could take in and make part of you.

You have a choice.  In every moment, you have the opportunity to choose both what you do and how you feel about it.

You know.  You know who you are, really, and what you want.  You know that there is love and there is fear, and neither one is entirely good or bad.  It’s all in how you frame it.

You control your lens.  You, and only you, have complete and utter control over the amount of light you allow into your life, and only you possess the ability to open that lens up wide, at any time.

You see it all.  The whole big wide world that lays at your feet, ready to welcome you with open arms, if only you will make a tiny step forward.  And then another.

 

So.  You can live your life in a small way, if you wish.  You can follow the rules that worked for so long and don’t make much sense anymore.  You can dress appropriately and watch your language and sit with your ankles crossed.  You can be polite and be sure that you won’t possibly offend anyone (although, inevitably, you will).  You can fill out the forms the right way, placing one letter carefully above each little _ mark on the page.  You can listen and take to heart everything you are told, never questioning the information you are given.  You can follow the crowd, the herd, the popular consensus.  You can color inside the lines and never step beyond the boundaries outlined in yellow paint.

You can.

Or.

Or you could make like the Jiffy Pop container and slowly expand, until you almost – but not quite – burst.  You could write your own Guide to My Life, making it up as you go along.  You could question every “should” and “ought to” – every single one.  You could wear your hair long and rock ripped jeans and cowboy boots – even after you turn fifty.  You could be compassionate and true and speak your words with care, knowing that we are all here to polish each other into gleaming gems.  You could know that it’s not your fault, and it never was… and that it’s just not your business, unless it is.  You could break out all the colors in the brand new box of 64 crayons and use them on every surface you can find.  You could go get a great machete and cut your own trail, howling at the moon (or singing as off key as you like, very loudly).  You could listen to the whispers within you and ignore the shouting voices from the outside world. You could find joy in absolutely everything you do and revel in being your own unique, exquisitely beautiful self.

You could.

It’s your choice.  And you get to make it, over and over again.

I’ll be watching you, always. You will never be alone.

I have huge hope for you, and even bigger love.

Me

 

The portrait of me was drawn by the lovely Moyra Scott, an Ordinary Courage classmate of mine.  What a beautiful gift – and a great way to introduce you to her work.  Moyra is a talented multimedia artist and does the most wonderful portraits, from photographs.  You can find her work here and on Facebook, here.   Another great gift idea, no?

imperfections or gifts?

What if our imperfections, and those of the ones around us, are really our gifts, in disguise?

That’s the question I woke up with this morning.

So what if?

What if that inability I have to stay away from the Solitaire City game on my iPhone isn’t really a character flaw?
What if it actually is teaching me something that will become apparent only later down the road?
What if I don’t need to feel badly about myself because I, more often than I would like, waste a little time?

What if the things that drive us crazy about ourselves are really the ones we need most to explore?

Like many of us, I have been thinking about Steve Jobs a lot. I’m not sad so much as profoundly grateful for him, for his life, for the example he set for us all – one of how to really live. There are quotes all over the internet, and Lindsey already used my favorite of his speeches, so that gives me an opportunity to do something else. And I didn’t have to give that much thought. For me, Steve Jobs was all about freeing people up to do their work, to contribute to the world in the way that only they can.

There are two phenomenal women doing really incredible things with their lives. They are dedicated to living openheartedly and helping others to do that, too. If you don’t know Jen Lemen and Brene’ Brown, it’s high time you met them. They are both powerhouses on their own, but together? Dynamite doesn’t even begin to describe the power, compassion and incredible humor they bring to the topics that touch all of us, deep in our hearts.

I hope someday that I’ll have a chance to interview them here, but for today, I’ll just let you know that they are starting a new session of their life changing (for me, anyway) ecourse, Ordinary Courage: Lessons in Love, Shame and Worthiness. For less than $100 and several hours a week for six weeks, you can explore some of the most essential lessons in life that I know of. Here’s a quote from their site…

What if you didn’t have to keep hustling to make everyone happy in order to feel like you’re enough?
What if you could feel loved with or without your compliance with external demands?
Join Brené Brown and Jen Lemen as together we explore how everyday, ordinary courage can
unlock a sense of worthiness and belonging that we were meant for since the day we were born.

I have to think that Steve would approve. It’s an investment in your future, and in the future of our world.

Learn more here, or feel free to email me with any questions. It’s something I would love for all of us to do.

 

To be clear, this is an endorsement from my heart, not part of any program and I am not receiving any compensation.  In fact, they have no idea I am writing this post – surprise!  Just a way for me to thank them and help you…

 

Conquering some fear…

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

I woke up this morning with a lot on my heart, and even more swirling around in my brain. Or maybe the reverse, I’m not sure. There was the usual concern for others – there is so much going on in the world – and I went through my metta prayer, feeling more compassion than ever. And then, somehow, I started to feel overwhelmed. Not so much by the flooding in Louisiana, or ongoing events in Darfur, Japan, Libya and countless other places, but by all that is going on in my life.

Once I got over feeling that I shouldn’t be concerned about my own problems, given the state of the world and all, I was able to remind myself that the only place I can effect change, really, is right here at home. And I thought about all the hats I wear: mother, wife, friend, coach, cheerleader, philanthropist, student, artist, writer, gardener, housekeeper… and I felt a huge sense of both gratitude and overwhelm at the same time and in pretty equal amounts. And a little shame for feeling concerned about myself, again. Old habits die hard.

Then I got it. I am grateful, I truly am. Opportunities to do great and wonderful things are coming at me, left and right, fast and furious. Be careful what you wish for, right? And mixed in with awe and amazement (are they sure they have the right person?) is fear. Pure fear. When I focused on that fear, it became really clear that I am afraid I can’t do it all.

Whether I can do it all or not isn’t really the question, though. It’s this – there is no way that I (or anyone else for that matter) can do it all perfectly. And that, my friends, is the bar I set for myself. Perfection. Not for anyone else, mind you. No, I discourage that regularly. Just for me. Despite reading everything, and I mean everything, Brene` Brown has written (she would laugh if she knew that right now, I am fighting the urge to google her name and see if I got that accent mark right – I am leaving it as is. See? Progress.) I still, especially when overwhelmed, go right back to my need to do everything perfectly. Somewhere along the way, I decided that the way to control my crazy world (and all our world are crazy, I am convinced), was to do everything just right.

Guess what? I was wrong. Really wrong. If there is any hope for me to embrace my wonderfully crazy, overly full, bigger than I could have dreamed life, I have to give up this idea that I can do it all really, really well. My teacher’s words ring in my ear – “Don’t do it so well” from my Feldenkrais teacher, so many years ago, as I began to wake up. “Forgiven, forgiven”, said over and over again, to herself and to all of us, from the wise and witty Tara Brach. The sound of Pema Chodron laughing at herself, at the way we all run from our selves, over and over.

And so I begin again, try to have as much compassion for myself as I do for others, as silly as that sounds. I come here, be transparent and hope that in bearing my own inner workings, I both learn and teach. And, the biggest challenge for me – I take in the good, the possibilities, the dreams and give myself permission to do it badly. But to do it, you know? To just do it all, or not, but to move forward with hope and grace.

As Zelda Fitzgerald said, “Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much a heart can hold.”

And on a whole different subject, I am very happy to say that the new and improved Carry It Forward site should make it’s debut later this week.

Please note that I cannot automatically change your subscription. I’ll provide a link so that you can find it easily, but you will need to resubscribe to the new site. I hope you will follow me as I move forward!